Catch 22

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A paradox in which the attempt to escape makes escape impossible.




I have exactly 4 hours 22 minutes and 34 seconds before I’m going to be forced to marry Shang. Now it’s 4 hours 22 minutes and 45 seconds. Time’s running out, and I have no clue how I’m going to get out of Wutai. Everyone here knows me; Shang has guards placed all around the pagoda. Shit! I don’t want to get married! Especially, not to him. My dreams of being Mrs. Valentine… are squashed… by a psycho sociopath named Shang! ARG! Why, do you hate me Leviathan? Why? Maybe this is all a really bad dream… There’s no place like home… wait… technically… I am home. Gawd! Why does my life have to suck like this? Damn it! Yuffie Kisaragi. Get yourself together. You are a great ninja. Now, stop whining and think of an escape plan, so you can yell at Vince for not coming to rescue you… Okay, I’m back.

“Ms. Kisaragi!” Oh gross… it’s like a drag queen…

“UH… may I help you?”

“No, no! We’re here to help you!” Oh gawd… it has a mole… right there… not to mention those terrible eye brows…

“We’re here to help you prepare for your wedding!”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“haha you silly goose, now come on! We must go down to the main house!” Not only am I going to get married to a sociopath, and I am going to look like a drag queen also… I think I’m going to cry…

Catch 22.

X-X-X-X

“What’s the plan, Vince?”

“…”

“You’re just going to have me drop you off at Wutai, and you’ll go in guns blazing?”

“…I will call you when we need to be picked up.”

“You’re a crazy sonovabitch… you know that?”

Catch 22.

X-X-X-X

Maybe escaping won’t be as hard as I thought. There are no guards. Only me and drag queen. Who sounds so much like a guy… gross. Hell, for all I know, it could be a guy… but, it had breasts… but those could be fake… it has an Adam’s apple also… Yuffie! Focus! Escape. So, there’s a totally of 5 exits from this room. Two doors and 3 windows. One door leads to upstairs, and the other door leads to down stairs, but there’s bound to be guards at the bottom. Now, if I hoped out the window, and traveled on the roof for a bit, I might be able to sneak past the guards. But I have no clue if I wouldn’t be seen. For all I know, there could be snipers… or ninja wielding shuriken … but I am also a ninja who wields a shuriken… Hmm. Well, if I’m going to make a run for it… now’s my chance.

“So, Ms. Yuffie what do you think of my hair?” Dear god, how could something so ugly, create something so beautiful… it’s perfect…

“It’s great! Well, I need to use the bathroom so… I’ll be going!” Damn it! The doors locked! Shit! The window!

“Where do you think you’re going Ms. Kisaragi?”

“Are those nunchuks?”

A drag queen wielding nunchuks… now that is scary…

Catch 22.